Relatively Terrible
Relatively Terrible is the Uploads of Fun family questioning today's culture with humor and just enough dysfunction to feel relatable.
Relatively Terrible
Our Top Ten Non-Essential Essentials
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Your “non-essentials” tell the truth about you. We put that to the test by building a shared top ten list of the non-essential things we refuse to live without and it immediately turns into negotiation, roasting, and a little bit of therapy disguised as comedy. From chapstick addiction to the comfort of mom’s cooking, we keep asking the same question: can you technically live without it, and do you actually want to?
The list gets spicy fast. Coffee sparks a real dependency debate, grocery delivery becomes a time-saving hill worth dying on, and an adjustable bed somehow turns into a symbol of adulthood and back pain. Then we hit the truly controversial picks: TV to fall asleep to, dude wipes making a shockingly strong case for the top spots, and a Toy Story argument that splits the room. Through all of it, we keep circling back to one big takeaway: convenience, comfort, and identity matter, even when the item “shouldn’t” matter.
After the ranking dust settles, we switch gears to what we’re watching and loving, including The Bear and the vibe of Lanterns, plus a quick chat about why Green Lantern still deserves a win. We also go off on End Of Oak Street, the cast, the wasted potential, and the few bright spots that almost save it. If you like family banter, pop culture takes, and a ranking episode you can argue with out loud, you’re in the right place.
Subscribe for more, share this with a friend who has strong opinions, and leave a review with your own top three non-essential essentials. What would you fight to keep?
Fighting The Suck Since ©2026 Relatively Terrible
The Premise And The Rules
SPEAKER_02Speaking of non-essential, this is my family. We're talking about our top ten non-essential things that we can't live without. Ooh, we've all put our top five in the hat. And some of these are gonna cause some major debate. Yeah. I think someone put coffee on the list.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05We're gonna debate what's essential. I think I'm Josh. I'm Rachel.
SPEAKER_02I'm Dovin. I'm Jackson. And this is relatively terrible. I love you, but you're all terrible. Welcome back to the Relatively Terrible Podcast. We are the Uploads of Fun Family questioning culture with comedy and just enough dysfunction to feel normal.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Rachel hasn't said it yet. Today we're talking about our non-essential essentials. We've each put our top five in there. We're gonna draw them, place them, and then move on. We'll do our bonus round at the end to see if we want to change anything. Old boy. Are we gonna start? Let's
Drawing Items And Instant Chaos
SPEAKER_02start that side this time. Wow.
SPEAKER_04Alright, Jackson, pick one.
unknownAll right.
SPEAKER_02Jackson's going first. Chapstick.
SPEAKER_03Oh, two. Two. Two. Okay, it's not ten. It's nine. No, it's like six. No, it's not.
SPEAKER_05It's it's five. Listen.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_05There's a couple things in this hat that apply to only one of us. This applies to at least two of us. So it has to be higher than Yeah, I'm gonna go five.
SPEAKER_02So you're saying nine, you're saying five. Five. Five. Five. So nine plus five is fourteen divided by two is seven. So we gotta go seven. I'll go seven. Seven. Wow.
SPEAKER_05I guess that's some random logical.
SPEAKER_03What? I don't think we can.
SPEAKER_05We'll fix it the bonus round.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that needs to be higher. Oh my gosh, just take Calvin. All right.
SPEAKER_05Calvin and I are addicted to chapstick.
SPEAKER_02And now the world knows.
SPEAKER_04Uh mom's cooking.
SPEAKER_02Ooh.
SPEAKER_03That feels very essential. Yeah, that feels very. I'm gonna go with three.
SPEAKER_05No, no, no. Food is essential. Who prepares it is not essential.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but what if they're like a terrible cook? That's true. I've had a lot of bad cookies, but I love your cooking. No one else is gonna cook my Thanksgiving until you die.
SPEAKER_02I've eaten a lot of food cooked by a lot of different people. Let me tell you, this girl's got it.
SPEAKER_03So I'll go lowest I can go is four. I was gonna say five.
SPEAKER_05Josh. I feel like. Go in order! I can't comment on this.
SPEAKER_02I do I mean your own cooking you can comment on. Where does it go on the list? We gotta go in order. It helps me out.
SPEAKER_05I guess five.
SPEAKER_02Five it is. Mom's cooking at five. Five. And not to be confused with mom's spaghetti from the famous MM song. What? Nobody's thinking about it.
SPEAKER_03No, nobody was thinking about it.
SPEAKER_02Here we go. I was, that's why I said it.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_03There's your funny banker.
SPEAKER_04Coffee. Coffee. This is this should not be on this list.
SPEAKER_03That is an essential item. No, it's not. No, it's then eight. One.
SPEAKER_05You can live without coffee. No, I can't.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh. Yes, you can.
SPEAKER_05I would put it at six. Jackson?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's just one below mom's cooking. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Six? Four.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Six, yeah, I guess. Six. Fine. Six.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_03Six and seven.
SPEAKER_05No, we already have chapstick at seven.
SPEAKER_01Here we go. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_03Music. Ooh. Oh, one. That's that's one. One. I can't live life without music. Oh my god. I was gonna say two. Nah, one. One. It used to be one, but then I grew up.
SPEAKER_04I thought you were gonna say something after that movie. No, I was just waiting to see your reaction.
SPEAKER_05You're like, oh, I'm gonna do that. I mean, I I would pull it down. I mean, I guess to be fair to you guys, I would put it top five, but I I don't, it can't be one.
unknownTwo.
SPEAKER_02I'm saying two. They both said one. What do you say?
SPEAKER_05Two.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so two plus two plus one plus one is six divided by four is two point three. Music.
SPEAKER_05Two? Is that where we're putting it?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, sure. Two. See, what are we gonna put? What are we gonna put above music, though? Yeah. No, there's no. Name one thing.
SPEAKER_04We'll get there.
SPEAKER_03Okay, fine, two. Damn. You know where that is.
SPEAKER_05We're gonna the I think this might be the first time we're gonna hotly debate number one.
SPEAKER_03Alright, Jackson. What you gonna get? What you gonna get? Books ten.
SPEAKER_00Ten.
SPEAKER_03Ten!
SPEAKER_05That will be easily ten. I will agree to ten because I am the only person that had that on the list.
SPEAKER_02You know what? I'll go for 11.
SPEAKER_03Go on, Calvin.
SPEAKER_02All right.
SPEAKER_03Come on. Come on. Can I just pick one, please? All right. Uh Grocery delivery. Nine. What? Oh, see, hold on a second here.
SPEAKER_05Let me just tell you what would our life. Let me just give you a very quick synopsis of what our lives would be like minus grocery delivery. I would be dragging all three of you with me to Walmart. Two, three, two, one, three, three, three, Friday night to walk through Walmart for an hour, picking out the groceries, then putting them on the conveyor belt and paying for them, putting all those bags in the cart, taking the cart to the car, loading the bags in the car, driving home, unloading all of the bags into the house, and then putting all those groceries away. Probably two to three hours of your life on a weekly basis would be sucked up into groceries without grocery delivery.
SPEAKER_03Eight. I mean, okay, yeah, eight, because I don't think that's top five. I agree. It's not top five.
SPEAKER_05Eight, eight, let's go eight.
SPEAKER_03All right, so it's mama's church.
SPEAKER_02I'll hold it for mama.
SPEAKER_05Ooh, stinky.
SPEAKER_02Eight. Don't look.
SPEAKER_05My adjustable bed.
SPEAKER_02Ooh, I'm going four. See, but we don't. Because we didn't buy you one. So sorry. I can live without that.
SPEAKER_05I think it has to be nine.
SPEAKER_03That's gotta be nine.
SPEAKER_04I can live without that.
unknownNo, nine.
SPEAKER_04You guys don't have an adjustable bed. My bed is comfortable.
SPEAKER_05True.
SPEAKER_02Is your bed comfortable?
SPEAKER_05Doesn't adjust, though.
SPEAKER_02Doesn't adjust. And adjustable beds are not just for old people.
SPEAKER_05If anyone wants to no one's watching this to hear your spiel about adjustable beds, listen, we are the people adjustable bed companies are marketing to. We have just a little bit of money for the first time in our lives, and we have back and neck problems now. So we need it.
SPEAKER_03Next up games. Like video games. Video games. See, I would put this lower on the list. Four? It has to be four. Yeah, but in the bonus round, move it lower. I would have that lower. I would actually put that at 10 and replace books. Alright, we got two left. Wow.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_03You guys get the last two.
SPEAKER_05One and three. One and three.
SPEAKER_03Please get mom's cutlets.
SPEAKER_05Let's get 10.
SPEAKER_03Wait, hold on.
SPEAKER_05That should be mom's cooking.
SPEAKER_03No, I put your cutlets.
SPEAKER_05Chicken cutlets.
SPEAKER_03What are you gonna get?
SPEAKER_05TV before bed. TV to fall cut.
SPEAKER_03Chicken cutlets. That's three. That's three. That shouldn't even be on the list.
SPEAKER_05That should just be part of mom's cooking.
SPEAKER_03Alright, Kyle, go ahead.
SPEAKER_05You're picking the number one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, music should be number one.
SPEAKER_05TV to fall asleep too. TV to fall asleep too.
SPEAKER_04Um caffeine free Diet Coke. What? Oh, yeah. Are you serious? Horrible. I don't drink Diet Coke. Oh, that's bad. Give me the hat.
SPEAKER_03I knew it.
SPEAKER_02I knew this was gonna happen.
Honorable Mentions And The Bonus Swap
SPEAKER_04What are the honorable mentions?
SPEAKER_02Okay. Here we go with the honorable mentions. TV to fall asleep. Banned T-shirts. Toy Story. I can't even. I wonder who put that.
unknownI forgot I did it.
SPEAKER_02Dude wipes. La Croix. Or LaCroix, as normal people say it. Just for men. Social media. No. Phone.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so we're going in the same order. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_00We're going in the same way.
SPEAKER_03We're not in the same order. So what are you changing? Get the get Diet Coke out of number one and putting music at number one. Are you just gonna switch them? I'm switching them.
SPEAKER_05You're switching them. So Diet Coke is now number two?
SPEAKER_03Yes. Okay. So now you can't touch those two. So now you can't touch, yes. Okay. So Calvin? Damn, okay. I'm sorry, but I'm getting rid of coffee and I'm putting Toy Story.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_03Oh, wow. What? Or just put Toy. Okay, listen.
SPEAKER_02I will say I'm not as mad as the whole freaks and geeks shenanigan thing that happened because coffee shouldn't be on that list, anyways. But Toy Story is a I can't live without Toy Story! I can't. That's bullshit.
SPEAKER_04I can't watch it that often. I don't watch it that often. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I what? When's the last time you watched it? Like, what did you do? Except for your fifth time in the theater seeing Toy Story 5.
SPEAKER_03Except for the last time I watched all three, well, all four movies was right before the new one came out. So like two months ago. Whatever. Rach, go ahead.
SPEAKER_05Okay. I'm getting rid of games in the number four spot. And I'm putting TV to fall asleep to.
SPEAKER_03So we're gonna leave books on here? Great. Alright. I'm getting rid of chicken cutlets. No! My cleaner. Like that? You didn't even cross it out right.
SPEAKER_05What do you put in there instead?
SPEAKER_03Uh, I gotta go dude wipes. You should have gotten rid of books. What are you doing? Nope, dude wipes.
SPEAKER_05We have dude wipes in the top five books.
SPEAKER_03Dude wipes in the top five.
SPEAKER_05Are you shitting me?
SPEAKER_03If you want your ass to be nice and slushy, slushy like that. There you go. Dude wipes. Only the dude wipes he's used. The ones I use are perfect. Yeah. Oh, dude wipes. Dude wipes are great. Feels like it came out of the shower every time I used a dude wipe.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, I had to use toilet paper the other day because we were out of dude wipes. I wanted to kill myself. I can't say that. I was like, I kept wiping and wiping and wiping. It was like, hey man, calm down. And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm trying to get you clean. Yeah, I talked to my butt.
SPEAKER_03So we all made a change. We all made a change. So we're keeping books. Oh. We're keeping books. Here is our list.
SPEAKER_05I would have been even better if he had replaced books with dude wipes. At least if nothing. That's what I'm saying. But he put it at number four. Okay. No, number three. Oh, number three.
SPEAKER_02So here is our final list of non-essential things that we all think are essential that we need to live. I don't
Final Top Ten Reveal
SPEAKER_02know how I'm gonna put that in the title. Number 10, books. Number nine, my adjustable bed. Number eight, it looks like granny delivery, but it says grocery delivery. Number seven, it does. Oh yeah, it does. It doesn't look like granny. I like granny's delivery just like the next guy, but sometimes it can be a little dry. Here we go. Seven is chapstick. Six, toy story. Oh my god. Come on. Five, mom's cooking. You can't argue with that. Four, TV for sleep, which just means watching TV before you go to bed. Three, dude wipes. Two, diet coke, caffeine-free Diet Coke, and number one, music.
SPEAKER_03There you go. Can't argue with the number one.
SPEAKER_05I think only one of my top five didn't make it on there.
SPEAKER_01Wow. Greedy.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Needy baby, greedy baby.
SPEAKER_05That would be LaCroix.
SPEAKER_01Oh. That's not, yeah, I couldn't just drink water.
SPEAKER_05Oh my gosh. Sometimes I need that, I need the burn of like the cat um carbonation. Just drink water. Water is too burn. I don't like diet.
SPEAKER_02Even flow. The only thing I think that doesn't deserve to be on that list is Toy Stories. No, books.
SPEAKER_03Books does not deserve top ten. My argument for Toy Story is you're telling me you can go the rest of your life without watching. Yes, sir. Yep. Yep. Holy shit, that's one of the things. Yeah. No, you're not. The only accurately placed one is music. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, seriously.
SPEAKER_05I disagree with that too.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I just can't believe y'all can live the rest of your life and not watch another Toy Story movie. Like not like Toy Story 3. Like.
SPEAKER_05I probably won't watch those movies again until with your kids.
SPEAKER_03Wow. Yeah, that's that's I think that's the worst take I've heard on this podcast so far.
What Was Good This Week
SPEAKER_03That's horrible. Speaking of that, what was good this week?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I know. Man, we've been watching The Bear with Rachel. Jackson and I have seen it. Calvin's not really that interested in it. But we've been watching it with Rachel, and she really loves it. And that's just made me cry even harder while I'm watching it. I tried it. I was like, Oh, Calvin's. No, it's not for me.
SPEAKER_03It's not for me. It's not for you.
SPEAKER_02It's not for me. It is one of the best shows ever created.
SPEAKER_03It's very good.
SPEAKER_02Hands down. It is like watching real life, which can be very tough. I get that. It's you know, but the comedy that they do just kind of really works and really helps with that. Um, I love it. So it's been that's been really fun for me. Also, we watched Lanterns.
SPEAKER_03Yes, watched the first episode of Lantern. He fell Jackson fell asleep. You need to rewatch it. It was great.
SPEAKER_05It was pretty good. I I missed it at the beginning, but it was good.
SPEAKER_03I loved it. I thought I loved the whole vibe of it. I'm excited for more.
SPEAKER_02I want lanterns to be good for you, Calvin. I really want you to, before you die.
SPEAKER_05Have a DC win. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Because Green Lantern is my favorite DC superhero. Why is that? The ring. Because it's a man that has a ring and has power, which is non-exception. I think that's a great concept. Okay. They just need to utilize him well, and yeah, I don't know. Okay. I was just curious. I I know you really like that a lot. Um Well, and I think it's smart that they're making Jon Stewart the main character. Because everyone loves Jon Stewart, so I think that was a smart decision. Okay. Rich, anything for you this week that's good?
SPEAKER_01Write another
End Of Oak Street Rant
SPEAKER_01book.
SPEAKER_05Uh, we went and saw the end of Oak Street, which was not great. But I think it was kind of fun that we all felt the same way about it and pretty much enjoyed tearing it up.
SPEAKER_03Straight hot garbage. Garbage. I'm shocked that that movie has made one of the worst fictional characters I've ever seen on a screen. The teenage boy in the whole. You don't even remember his name. I don't remember his name. Oh my gosh, I don't either. You don't remember any of the characters' names. Starbuck, the dog. Yeah, that's it. But that's because the boy was so obsessed with him. Yeah. Oh, it was oh horrible. The best part of that movie was the dinosaurs having sex. That's it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And the dinosaurs looked great. The CG was really good, and I like the choice of these more bird-like dinosaurs. The movie had so much potential. It was like right up on the edge, but it it just failed in too many ways.
SPEAKER_03This is the writer's room of End of Oak Streak. Dinosaur. A dinosaur! Time of theme portal! Dinosaur boy! One canobe!
SPEAKER_04And Hathaway!
SPEAKER_03And Hathaway! But I swear though, I think the whole concept is Jurassic Park Back to the Future had a baby.
SPEAKER_00Yes!
SPEAKER_03No, that's exactly what it is.
SPEAKER_02Listen, and it failed. Listen, it's time travel, yes, it's dinosaurs, but it was neither one of those things. It really reminded me of a book I read called God's Junk Drawer, except that book was incredible. It was the same concept, except just really dumbed down and truncated. And God's Junk Drawer, if turned into a movie, it couldn't be. It would have to be a TV show. Uh, but yeah, it was bad. And it's it's failing too at the box office. I know people should, I know people say don't look at the money if it's just because it's making a lot of money, but there is some truth to that. Like it is really crashing and burning, and it has such a big, like, high-caliber cast. It should draw off of just that, and it's not.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the two main characters, Anne Hathaway and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and it's failing.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, well, also, you gotta you gotta look at what else is still out, and you've got Spider-Man and the Odyssey still crushing it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_05So Spider-Man.
SPEAKER_02Oh, sorry, go ahead, Jax.
SPEAKER_03What pisses me off is that Anne Hathaway did the Odyssey and was great, and then she chose to do End of Oak Street. Oh, but she carried the movie. But so, Anne Hathaway, were you smoking a joint that week you decided to do End of Oak Street?
SPEAKER_02Or like what were you what the There's so much I want to say about that, but I've got to edit this and I don't want to have to do a lot of editing, so I'm not gonna I'm gonna keep my mouth shut because I agree with Jackson, but for a whole different reason. She did carry. She carried that movie. There's one thing we haven't said yet.
Concert Tickets And A Sabotage Mix-Up
SPEAKER_03We bought tickets for Underoath.
SPEAKER_02We got tickets for Underoath's 20th anniversary of Define the Great Line. We're gonna go see them in Atlanta. And then Jackson got tickets to see Sabaton in Nashville. That's all in one week in December.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I remember talking to one of my co-workers. Yeah, I'm not gonna buy anything today. I'm not gonna, I don't want to spend any money. Now I have to go into work and say I did something stupid. What'd you do? I bought concert tickets. Oh, so more money. Yeah. Hey, it's life, man.
SPEAKER_05Can I tell you something funny that's probably gonna piss you off?
SPEAKER_03Oh no. I have to spend more money on something I don't want to.
SPEAKER_05No, but every time I hear that name, Sabaton, in my head I hear sabotage. Like the song.
SPEAKER_02Oh, like from uh Beastie Boys?
SPEAKER_05Yes!
SPEAKER_04I hear Beastie Boys going sabotage in my head, whatever.
SPEAKER_02Jackson's favorite band is the Beastie Boys, so he likes it. I've never heard one frickin' song by that.
SPEAKER_04You heard that one.
SPEAKER_03No, I heard that. The Brooklyn song. What how does it go? What oh no! Sleep till Brooklyn band from Guardians?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You've heard sabotage. You've heard it in movies, probably like that.
SPEAKER_05But I hear that every time you say sabotage because it sounds like sabotage, and I just hear the beastie voice.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, And for Jackson, that is relatively terrible.