Relatively Terrible
Relatively Terrible is the Uploads of Fun family questioning today's culture with humor and just enough dysfunction to feel relatable.
Relatively Terrible
The Top 10 Worst Things About School From Lunch To Bullies
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The fastest way to start an argument in our house is to say “school is the greatest invention of mankind,” because we can list a top 50 set of reasons it isn’t. So we turned it into a game: each of us wrote down our worst things about school, tossed them in a hat, and built a Top 10 list on the fly without knowing what was coming next. It gets chaotic, honest, and weirdly therapeutic.
We go straight at the daily stuff that shapes student life more than any textbook: wasted time, troublemakers who derail the whole class, school lunch (including the occasional “this is kinda fire” exception), dress codes and uniforms that feel like a mood killer, and bullying that schools still struggle to stop. Then we hit the rules that make you ask who these systems are built for, including “Red Cup Green Cup,” a lunch policy where kids can’t talk for part of the period.
Our #1 pick is the one that sets everyone off: bathroom access. We talk about why telling kids to wait isn’t discipline, why it’s not “real life,” and how basic needs should never be treated like a privilege. After we lock the list, we lighten things up with what was good this week: Spider-Man, X-Men ’97, a new burger spot, concerts, and the eternal debate over what counts as “new” music.
If you’ve ever had a hall pass power trip story, a lunchroom rule that made no sense, or a school policy you still hate as an adult, hit play and then share your own. Subscribe, leave a review, and send this to the friend who always got told “you can wait.” What’s the worst thing about school in your experience?
Fighting The Suck Since ©2026 Relatively Terrible
Back To School Energy Check
SPEAKER_00School is back, and everyone is so excited.
SPEAKER_05No, we as a family love school a lot. And we think it's the greatest invention of mankind. It can burn in hell. Speaking of that, we're gonna pick our top 10 worst things about school. We all put our top five worst things in the hat. We're gonna pick them out, and like always, we're gonna pick it, place it on the list without knowing what's coming next. Just like boogers. I'm Josh.
SPEAKER_01I'm Rachel.
SPEAKER_05I'm Gulvin. I'm Jackson. And this is Relatively Terrible. I love you, but you're all terrible. Welcome back to the Relatively Terrible Podcast. We are the uploads of fun family, questioning culture with comedy and just enough dysfunction to feel normal.
SPEAKER_00I'm your new podcast!
SPEAKER_05Today we're doing top 10 worst things about school. Now, we all know we could probably do a top 50 list, but we're doing top 10. Top 10. And we're gonna have to control ourselves because we could talk about this probably for hours. I have so many opinions on school and its current experience and everything like that. So let's get it going.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Now, some of the things some of these things we will have to explain. Uh, because every school is different.
SPEAKER_05So Yeah, I noticed a couple things. I think at least one thing that you put about the Red Cup Green Cup.
SPEAKER_02If that if we pick that out, me and Jackson will explain. It's literally one of the worst things about our school that's first up, Red Cup, Green Cup.
SPEAKER_00I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_03I was about to say wasted time. Oh three. Three. That's the main reason Calvin and I are now doing school online.
SPEAKER_01We're probably only doing four hours worth of work maximum anyway, and the other three hours are all BS.
SPEAKER_05School is free babysitting.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Okay, here we go.
Trouble Makers Ruin The Whole Class
SPEAKER_05Go to the go-go.
SPEAKER_01Bad kids ruining it for everyone.
SPEAKER_05First, before we place that, I want to say bad kids is a strong word. Troublemakers. Troublemakers. The kids who are there that are making it hell for everyone. And the teachers usually use them as an example and they punish everyone. Yeah. The five.
SPEAKER_01I think that's top five.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Top five? Yeah, it's five.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. At five, I'll put troublemakers. I think that's it. Because there's always that one kid or more. Or more. That ruins it for everybody. Everyone gets in trouble.
SPEAKER_02That could also go along with wasted time because if you're going out for lunch and then they're causing trouble, they're going to kid. Like the worst part is like when the kid is causing trouble and you're all in line, and then the teacher's like, go back to your seats. We're going to line up again.
SPEAKER_00I hate that. It's one kid.
SPEAKER_03I would love to go back to school today, and she and teacher says that. I'm going to be like, bitch, please. No, he wouldn't.
School Lunch Debates Get Real
SPEAKER_00Here we go.
SPEAKER_02Here we go. Here we go. Um school lunch. Four. Four. Really?
SPEAKER_01Listen, and as a parent, I also hate school lunch because I either had to listen to you guys complain about how bad the school lunch was, or I had to figure out what to send you in a packed lunch, which was also horrible.
SPEAKER_05Plus, school lunch is just all about getting kids fat. Like there's no, they're like, it's healthy lunch due to Michelle Obama. We're gonna get out of here.
SPEAKER_02Why do we need chocolate milk with lunch? Give me some water! Yeah, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_01So are we putting we're putting lunch in ours?
SPEAKER_02Now there were a couple bangers. Like, again, not everyone has the same food, but like there were these Hot Pockets, Big Daddy brand. Not even kidding, that was the name, Big Daddy. I remember that. Yeah. And they were kind of fire, but I'm only saying that because everything else there sucks.
SPEAKER_03So regular pizza was garbage.
SPEAKER_01Now listen, don't you think there are some other things that are gonna rank higher than lunch? Like I'm kind of thinking maybe lunch should be more like what?
SPEAKER_03Bullies?
SPEAKER_02Seven?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, bullies. Like bullies.
SPEAKER_02Let's let's go seven then. I think there's stuff that's higher. Fine. Look, lunch.
SPEAKER_03Take Zaddy. Look, lunch is important, okay? Oh, damn, one fell out. That's the one. You gotta take that one. Yep, take it. Boo. And then here, you take this. Great. Okay.
Dress Codes And Uniform Misery
SPEAKER_03Dress code. Oh six. Six. Six. Really? That high?
SPEAKER_01You don't think it should be lower?
SPEAKER_03No, eight. Let's go eight. I think eight is good. I think dress code is stupid.
SPEAKER_02I don't think it's that bad, but ish.
SPEAKER_05It's mindless, it's dumb, it's uncomfortable. Hold on, you guys are talking. Let's let's clear this up. You guys had uniforms. Yes. Not everyone has uniforms. You guys had uniforms. I think the mindset behind uniforms is smart, but practically playing out, it does not work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's it's really it looks terrible. Everyone wearing a school uniform looks miserable. Yeah. Everyone looks miserable. You'll have a prison. Yes, it really is like a prison uniform. School prison? What's the difference?
SPEAKER_05We'll find out next time. Here we go. Can you learn? You can learn in prison.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they offer classes
Bullies And Why School Enables It
SPEAKER_01in prison most of the time. If you're good. Ah!
SPEAKER_05Bullies.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Two?
SPEAKER_05No.
SPEAKER_03One? Two or or two. No, there's one that's worse than bullies. At least in our experience.
SPEAKER_01The bathroom. You guys want the bathroom? Something related to the bathroom everyone. Then I'll go.
SPEAKER_05I'm with you on the bathroom thing. I'll go two for bullies. Two fine.
SPEAKER_02The bathroom thing. Yes. I know. I know.
SPEAKER_05Talking bullies. Bullies suck. And this is one thing about school overall that I hate. It does not, and I have it in here, it does not prepare you for real life. No. In real life, you don't have bullies. I'm sorry. There are people that are assholes, but you don't have bullies like this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no. I mean, in a in a workplace, there's certain behavior that's just not tolerated.
SPEAKER_05And parents teach the bully behavior.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Or they reinforce it. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Agreed.
SPEAKER_01Mama's turn.
Subs, Pizza Parties, Attendance Awards
SPEAKER_05Don't reach down there. To the hat. I was gonna pick it up.
SPEAKER_01Okay, substitute teachers.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, six. No. No, no, no. I think that's gonna be nine or ten. That's nine. Wow. I never had a substitute teacher that I was like, oh, this is like the worst. Because most substitute teachers just throw on a movie. Listen, let me tell you.
SPEAKER_05So lucky. Most people love subs because they let you get away with anything. I remember when I was in school, this was a really small Christian school that I went to with uh Watson. And we had this teacher, a substitute teacher, who we made her cry every day. And I I made her cry personally twice. For stupid shit. Like she would get close to me. I was like, Can I have my personal space? Can I have my personal space? Oh, and she would cry. And she would cry. Oh, I thought you did like mean stuff to her. And then we did tell her she smelled, she smelled really bad. We told her that, and everyone like these kids were really, really bad. But here's the problem with that. A couple years later, maybe like five to ten years later, I was on a job for a school taking photos, and she was there. Did she'll smell? I don't remember. But she asked me if I went to that school and I said no. She remembers a liar.
SPEAKER_01I felt so horrible. Okay, so substitute teachers, I think subs should be 10. I mean, what's what's not as bad? Like what's lower than substitute rounds?
SPEAKER_02I ugh. I hate substitute rounds. Well, remember, we have the bonus round, so we can always make changes.
SPEAKER_01I would say 10.
SPEAKER_02I think I think we're substitute teachers are no terrible. Okay, well then you can make a change during the bonus rounds.
SPEAKER_03Subs in my experience, they always just throw on a movie. They don't make it. It's uh Calvin now.
SPEAKER_02It's just a sub on Right Cup and Green, like where the hell, like I can't read. Uh pizza parties. See, that should have been 10.
SPEAKER_03Damn it. Why are pizza parties? You put pizza parties.
SPEAKER_02I think I did. Yeah, Calvin did. I loved it because they always get little Caesars. That's your problem. Put it at nine. Put it at nine. I say that because it's always little Caesars, and there's never enough.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there was typically no. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Here you go. Why are pizza? Because they always get little Caesars. That's horrible.
SPEAKER_01He's right. That should have been 10. Getting straight.
SPEAKER_03Why don't you put this on here, too? Perfect attendance celebrations.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I put that on there.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you put that on there. Oh.
SPEAKER_01See, that what the f that is stupid.
SPEAKER_03That should have been 10. So put it at six for now. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01I just want to explain what I mean by that, though. I think it's really terrible to celebrate the kids who get perfect attendance. It's like, it's like punishing the kids who got the flu and couldn't come to school.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like, I just think it's really, I just think it's unfair.
SPEAKER_03And you don't even get anything that good for perfect attendance. They gave like kids, I think they gave them like ice cream one day for lunch and it's like, good for you. And magnets.
SPEAKER_00Magnets? Magnets, bitches!
SPEAKER_03Magnets, bitch. Magnets. Yes.
SPEAKER_06What is that from? Breaking bad.
SPEAKER_02Oh my. Oh, that's right. You haven't seen the game.
SPEAKER_04I was just thinking of like the worst gift you can give a kid. Like, here's a magnet. What am I gonna do with this?
SPEAKER_01Alright, we still have one and four.
Gym Class Trauma And No Showers
SPEAKER_04Gym class.
SPEAKER_01Four? Four. Gee, that should have been lower. Oh, you know. Gym class is horrible!
SPEAKER_02Never mind, it is horrible because of the coach I had. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Never mind. I had gym class in high school a couple years in a row. First period. I'm talking 8 a.m. Get in, do gym class, no showers. Oh, there was one kid. This was one of the popular kids, so the popular kids are not as cool as you think once you catch them in the gym locker room. Oh God. This dude covered himself in deodorant. Oh. I'm talking arms like under here because it's not fair.
SPEAKER_01It's not fair. With no shower? That's awful.
SPEAKER_05But I was I don't want to shower with anyone either.
SPEAKER_01Right, it's all bad.
SPEAKER_05But you need to have gym ninth period, which is the end of the day, last period. Go home, get in the car, and go home and take a shower. Yeah. Roast.
SPEAKER_01Whereas okay, this is number one.
Bathroom Access As The Top Offense
SPEAKER_01Oh shit. Bathrooms in here a couple times. I don't we need to get this. Yes! Bathroom access. Why? I will let you guys talk about this. Sorry.
SPEAKER_03Hold on. Yeah, you go first. You should be able to use the bathroom whenever you want. And I don't want to hear anyone online say, well, sometimes kids go in there just to fool around. I don't care. They're missing class. That's on them. If they screw up, that is on them. You should be able to use the bathroom anytime you want. To prohibit that, to tell any kid you cannot use the bathroom right now. That is inhumane. Inhumane. You're just asking for them to shit themselves or to piss in their pants. It's not real life. It's not and yeah, it's not real life. I have a job. Guess what? I can use the bathroom. Oh my gosh! And no one's like, hey, why are you in the bathroom? Because I have to go!
SPEAKER_02Yeah, using the bathroom at school is absolutely horrible. If you don't go during potty time, um and you go potty time. Where you have to pee or poop. And if you go during class, the teacher will be like, can you wait until after class? It's like, we still have 40 minutes left, and I really have to go. Like And I'm not paying attention to anything you're saying, anyways. Well, and then if you're like, no, I really have to go, they get annoyed. Yeah, they it's like, I have to use the bathroom.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You know, just for it. All right. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
Honorable Mentions And Bonus Swaps
SPEAKER_05We're gonna read the honorable mentions, and then we are going to go to the bonus round, make our final changes, and then reveal our final top ten worst things about school. Here we go. Honorable mentions, homework, required reading. You don't learn skills for real life. Math. Red cup, green cup during lunch. Nothing weird. Clicks.
SPEAKER_06What?
SPEAKER_05And bad kids ruining it for everyone.
SPEAKER_01We already had that. So I have that one? Yes, we have that one.
SPEAKER_05Where?
SPEAKER_01Uh troublemakers.
SPEAKER_05Oh, troublemakers. Okay, forget that one then.
SPEAKER_01Here's what I think we should do.
SPEAKER_02No, let that just like get it.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say I was gonna let you guys maybe they can start the bonus round this. Go for it!
SPEAKER_02All right.
SPEAKER_01So what are you gonna do?
SPEAKER_02Remember, you gotta get the phone.
SPEAKER_01So you can add something, move stuff around.
SPEAKER_03Once it moves, it's locked. Homework definitely has to be on here. I'm getting rid of perfect attendance because even though it's annoying, it only happens one day out of the year. Homework happens weekly. Ooh, homework is good. If you're you're at school for seven to eight hours a day.
SPEAKER_01And then they send you home. And then they send you home to do more work.
SPEAKER_02What the hell? Nah, I'm I'm getting rid of dress code. Whoa. Putting what? Whoa. Red cup. Oh my god. Well, explain what red cup green cup is. Red cup green cup is something that happens during lunch. The first 15 minutes you can't talk. Red cup. Then the other 15 you can talk, which is green cup. It's just horrible because kids are gonna tack are gonna talk no matter what. It's horrible. You can't talk during class. Of course, during lunch you're gonna want to talk, but they're like, nope, can't talk for 15 minutes because I get it. So stupid. They're trying to get kids to eat all their food and not talk, but it's like, if we don't eat our food, that's on us. That's on us.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like they don't want to teach you responsibility. It's horrible.
SPEAKER_01So you have to sit there and be quiet. That's terrible. I had no idea that we're gonna do it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if you then you get in trouble, and then you get reported to your teacher, and it's like, oh God.
SPEAKER_01Okay, my turn. I'm torn between either getting math on this list or something.
SPEAKER_05The thing is, you're starting, you're you're in ninth grade this year. This is where math is gonna start to suck balls. Yep, starting algebra.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh, see, yeah. That's when you unless you're going into a field where you absolutely want to be an engineer and so you need to learn this. Like an architect. Yes. I am an architect.
SPEAKER_00Oh! We were thinking!
SPEAKER_03What is that from?
SPEAKER_00Backrooms.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm just selling shit furniture because someone get off their lazy answers. Help me! No, it's her back, help me!
SPEAKER_00Like a big character.
SPEAKER_02Study character!
SPEAKER_00Study character!
SPEAKER_02Peak cinema.
SPEAKER_00You got your brain moves in back rooms!
SPEAKER_02Peak cinema. That is peak. Okay, Rich, make your choice.
SPEAKER_01Okay, it's either math or the fact that it doesn't prepare you for real life.
SPEAKER_02Then get rid of substitute teachers.
SPEAKER_01I will get rid of pizza parties. Yeah, get rid of pizza parties. No, pizza pizza. That should not be on top 10. Listen, even bad pizza is still.
SPEAKER_05Math is going in place of pizza parties. Now listen. I want to put on there. Listen, I'm gonna get rid of. I really feel strongly about this one. I'm gonna get rid of Jim. Wow. And I'm gonna put you don't learn skills for real life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Yeah. Yep.
SPEAKER_05That is one of the biggest beefs I have with school. For all the dumb, like bullshit we have in this world right now, I feel like it's a smoke screen for certain things like school that we could change and do differently and start literally from the ground up when it's when it's a child helping it learn real things for life, get a job, learn how to not pull out, things like that. Then kids could actually learn skills and work and things like that. That's why you don't learn skills for real life. That is top five for me.
SPEAKER_03And let me just say this gym class, if it were done properly, could be a really fun part of the day. Because they do sometimes play games that are really fun. So here we go. Top ten. Top ten, Jackson. Top ten, focus.
SPEAKER_05Most I don't know how you're gonna. I'm so glad I'm not editing this. I don't know. Top ten. Worst things about
Final Top 10 Worst List
SPEAKER_05school. Here we go. Ten, substitutes, nine, math, eight, red cup, green cup. See conversation previously. Seven, lunch. School lunch. Food, basically.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Six, homework. Five, troublemakers. You know who you are. Four, you don't learn skills for real life. Three, wasted time. Two, bullies, and one, bathroom access. Even prisoners have more bathroom access than kids at school. Suck it. Oh my god, that's true. Holy shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05We need to get kids out of school. I just thought of that. Yeah. Am I like really smart?
SPEAKER_01It's like the episode of the office, you know? Prison's better than work.
SPEAKER_03Hey. At least they can use the freaking bath for that.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
Good Stuff This Week And Music
SPEAKER_05Alright, what was good this week? Spider-Man brand new day. Fair audio. For a second time. Second time is functional. Much better than the first time, at least for us. Found a new restaurant in Memphis called Jack Brown's Burgers.
SPEAKER_02Very fire. Very tasty. Got a double cheeseburger, very salt. Mac and cheese on it, and barbecue potato chips. Very nipple hard. What was good for you, Jackson?
SPEAKER_03It's Calvin's birthday, so this is his present. Here. My birthday's not until next week. Oh, what the freak?
SPEAKER_00Yaasa.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_00Yaa.
SPEAKER_05Oh my gosh. Toy Story.
SPEAKER_02I got a blue story for Toy Story 2. Oh my god. How old are you now?
SPEAKER_05Uh turning 15. Wait, that says Soul Story 5 on the back. Huh? Hold on. I was kidding.
SPEAKER_02Thank you.
SPEAKER_05What else was good this week? Dash wise. Rach, what was good for you? Careful, there's kids watching.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Spider-Man was good.
SPEAKER_02Spider-Man was good. Oh, new X-Men 97 episode. Well, that was fire. Yeah, that was straight fire. And then the finale comes out on my birthday.
SPEAKER_05I've been really gay. For a cartoon, man, it's good. I'm trying to find something wrong with it every time I watch it, but I can't. It's really good.
SPEAKER_01And what are you doing tomorrow?
SPEAKER_05Going to see Deep Purple. That should be fun. Guys, thoughts and prayers for the band that they don't pass away on stage.
SPEAKER_02It's gonna be so weird because we went to Under Oath, which was crazy. Holy say that! Oh my god, we saw Undereath and a room that only held 500 people.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and it was crazy, but they put on a great show. That was one of the best concerts I've ever been to in my life. So phenomenal. The fact that we only had to sit through one band that we didn't know.
SPEAKER_01That's pretty awesome to only have one opening band.
SPEAKER_05Yep. But then on their next tour, which I really want to go on, three or four.
SPEAKER_01That's too many.
SPEAKER_05Well, one of them is Emery.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05But you've got to go to the second leg of the tour to see Emery. So, like if we wanted to go to St. Louis, which is the first show, no Emery. It's it's as City's Burn. Not a fan of that band. They are very good, but I'm not a fan of that band.
SPEAKER_03So, anything else? Uh listen to some newer music trying to expand my horizons. Now, how new are we talking? Like not that new. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Uh so not 1970s.
SPEAKER_03No, more like 1990s, 2000s. That's what you consider. Okay, well. I'm not listening to today's music. Are you kidding me? Well, no, kid. I tried uh Queens of the Stone Age. I tried them. Not bad. I think uh I think them live would be a lot better, less production alive, so that would be better. Oh my god. I just like when things are it's literally just You like when it sounds crappy. A little bit, like when it's just like a couple guys in a room just jamming out. I love that. Don't take that out of context, and I was relatively terrible.