House Rules: Ten Unofficial Rules So Everyone Survives And Still Laughs

Watch The Video Version Here.

The week started with Super Bowl apathy and internet bickering, but it pushed us toward something better: putting our real house rules on the record. Not a perfect top ten or a performative list, but the code we actually live by—why we ban top sheets, why “what’s for dinner?” is a trap, and how a simple hygiene standard can save friendships at a crowded show. We pull the curtain back on the daily frictions that shape a family and the small systems that turn chaos into comfort.

We walk through cleaning as respect for shared space, from dish stacks and bowl direction to the mysterious geography of the fridge door. We talk about meals as non-negotiable connection, leftovers as a competitive sport, and why asking about filming times can drain the joy out of creative work. Comfort sets our dress code—yes, jeans count as dressed up—while the light-switch wars rage quietly between early risers and stealth ninjas. Along the way, we lay down one of our favorite guardrails: if you misspeak, at least two people must hear it before it becomes family legend. Humor bonds us, but it doesn’t get to bruise.

Underneath the laughs sits a clear money mindset: cash isn’t everything, but it matters, and the difference between need and greed is attention. We choose to invest in books, music gear, tech, and time together over status clothing and fussy bed-making. We keep creative work flexible, defend nightly bathroom courtesy, and aim to move our bodies daily. By the end, what looks like petty arguments becomes a practical playbook for a warmer, easier home—one where everyone knows the expectations, and everyone gets to laugh anyway.

If this made you smile or made your house run 1% smoother, tap follow, share it with a friend who hates top sheets, and leave a quick review to tell us your most controversial house rule.

Fighting The Suck Since ©2026 Relatively Terrible

Transcript

Petty Grievances: Super Bowl And Pop Culture

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I know it's gonna be a couple weeks until this airs, but something that was terrible this week was the Super Bowl. And no, I didn't watch it. But the reason it was terrible is listening to everyone bicker online about everything about it. I don't even know who won. Yeah, who won? Who won?

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Seattle. The Seahawks won. Oh, shocker. I don't know the final score. I just thought they won.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Was it 6'7? Oh my god. No, it couldn't have been 6'7. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

He doesn't understand football scores.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

We are not a football family. No.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

But I did watch all the trailers. Pretty disappointing, except for Project Tail Mary. What about minions? I'm kidding. That shit looks ass. Wait a minute. There was a minions trailer? Yeah, minions and minus minions and monsters. Nope. It was minions and monsters. But Bob, Kevin, and Stuart are not even returning. Like, what the heck? I think they're in it. Nope. They're not. They're not returning. No Groove either? No, it's it's a minions movie, not Despicable Me. Anything else terrible this past week from you guys? Oh, uh, the Muppets specials. Oh, fff. That had Seth Rogan and Sabrina Carpenter in it. Absolutely terrible. If you are a true Muppets fan, you will know this. Like, it was terrible. Not funny. I hated Sabrina. I couldn't like it. I couldn't stand Kermit's voice. That is not what Kermit sounds like. There's nothing sacred in this world anymore, and that proves it because now we're okay with Kermit sounding like that. And we're okay with turnstile winning a Grammy. Oh, yeah, that was also terrible. Anyways, Turnstyle is not as bad as they're making it them out to be. It's not as bad as the Muppet special. Wow. You guys are.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Dang, Calvin. Turnstyle.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Actually, a lot of people like turnstile. You guys just don't like them, so you're going overboard. They're trash. I'm sorry. What is there to like about them? A lot of things. A lot of things. Anyways, I'm Josh.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

I'm Rachel.

Introducing The “House Rules” Experiment

SPEAKER_02 1:55

I'm Calvin. I'm beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And that is relatively terrible. I love you, but you're all terrible. We decided to take a page out of David Letterman's book. Kind of.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

And do a list, a top 10 list, but it's not really in any kind of order. So I guess it's nothing like David Letterman. No. I don't even know who that is. Are you serious? I'm serious. Wait a minute, is David Letterman still alive? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Oh my okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Oh, terrible.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Terrible. To be fair.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

To be fair, what?

SPEAKER_02 2:30

You think everyone's dead who's over 10? Uh people younger than him have died. But that's not why you're asking! I get your logic, but that's not why you're asking that. Okay, Dad, since you're such the David Letterman expert, how old is he? I think David Letterman is probably 82. Damn!

SPEAKER_00 2:49

I have no idea. Okay, now we have to. Let's look it up!

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Since we have our baby. Hey Siri, how old is David Letterman? 78. Okay. Damn!

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Close.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Wow, he looks much older than 78.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

I think it's just the beard. I think he looks pretty good.

Clean Up After Yourself And Be Polite

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Okay, so our top 10 list, and again, it's not really a top 10 list, but there's 10 items on this list, and we're gonna call them house rules. Now I do want to set the stage here a little bit. I know we've mentioned that we are Christians, and one thing I wanted to be clear about is we don't put any, we're not putting anything on our list for our house rules about you have you having to be a Christian religious or whatever. Because that is not how it works, Mother Trucker. So we're each gonna read one off our list, see if anyone has it, and then we're gonna discuss it. I'll I'll go and then you guys are you guys ready? Yeah, okay. I'm ready. So I'm just gonna say number 10, clean up after yourself. Okay, yes, but mine was more specific. Mine is uh clean up your dishes, or if you don't watch dad passive aggressively do the dish. Okay. No, that's mom. That's both of them. That's a little bit of both of them. Which I think clean up after yourself is pretty self-explanatory.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

But dishes, especially, I think because we are four people who are home all day, every day, eating three meals a day, snacks at home. We generate a lot of dishes. So you've got to clean up after yourself.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

It's true. It is true. All right, dude, let's go. Number nine. Be polite and kind to all.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

I did have Okay. I did have um, I had common courtesy on the list. Please, thank you, holding doors open for people. Like we've been big on that, especially when the boys were very little. We tried to really instill.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Okay, what was your second one? Since No, I'm I'm kind of questioning my list now. Because I don't even know if the roles, it's just stuff that we do. Yeah. Or it's stuff that gets criticized. Okay. Okay. So did you have clean up after yourself? No. So what was your number 10? See, we're not doing this right.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

So, well, you went with the next one. So hang on.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

You did you did because I thought everyone had clean up after yourself.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Oh no. Jackson was the only one that did, really.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

So what's your number 10?

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Okay. So uh don't ask what's for dinner. Oh my god, that's on my list.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

That's on my list. Every time, every, it's like between 2 to 3 p.m., I always ask mom, what are you making for dinner? Yes. That's on my list. On my list, though, I went more specific again. I said, don't ask mom what's for dinner. But if you do, and she says, I don't know, that means she's not cooking. True. Yeah, that I don't know means you're not cooking. Or she says part. Or if she says, Does this sound good? Like do you guys? Yeah, she's contemplating. She's trying to talk herself into going out.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Okay, so another one, this is a huge this is an actual rule that we had to put in place. Do you guys I'm this is a very serious rule. So the rule is if you misspeak, at least two people have to hear it in order for them to make fun of you.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

That is a great rule.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Because we are so ruthless when it comes to people misspeaking. Stop smoothie. I said smoothie once. I said smoothie over 20 years ago, and it still comes up. So it got to the point where it had to be at least two people had to hear it because we're just so ruthless about it. You needed to have witnesses to validate that yes, you did say this incorrectly.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

And then sometimes when you say it, you'll have millions of witnesses. Wasalamine. Wasalamine. Okay, so was that nine? Was that your nine?

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah, that was another one.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

What was your nine?

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Or just uh I'm just kind of saying them.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Okay, so what's my nine?

Hygiene Debates: Dude Wipes And Showers

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah, what just say one of yours.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Dude wipes. You gotta use dude wipes after you poop. No one ever said you have to do that. No, that's the rule. That's the rule. Do you think that's a rule? Jackson doesn't use dude wipes. No. They're too wet. Oh, but the toilet paper gets stuck. No.

unknown 7:23

No.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

You're telling me what flowers are for me. You get you want a bidet. Yeah. No, you got it. See, okay, so thank God I had this on my list because yeah, dude wipes is a rule. Well, I don't like it when you're trying to you're trying to wipe up and it's dripping. Okay. What's your let's what what dude wipes are you using? Are that are dripping? Dripping? Yeah, because I have that chemical stuff or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

No, there's a f bro.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

If you want to keep if you want to keep putting paper up your ass, go for it. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

And just clarify I'm not using dude wipes because they're dude. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Let me look at that. This is horrible. What is your number nine, Jack?

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Or just one of your number one.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Okay. When mom makes something delicious for dinner, that means Calvin's either gonna eat A chicken, B, a sandwich, or C, something not as good as what mom made. That is so true.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

Picky, but you also only eat like chicken or lunch meat, maybe a burger here and there. No, I have pizza too. Bread. Okay. Basic. Bread.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Very basic. Oh my god! Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

God bless us with a basic bitch.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

All right, very good.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

So are we eight now?

SPEAKER_00 8:51

It doesn't matter. The number doesn't matter. Just say stuff.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Number eight. Keep up on your personal hygiene. I'm glad we did this one right after the dude wipes because it goes along with personal hygiene. That's not on my no. Okay. No, I didn't put this on.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I did have a similar one.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

What did you say?

SPEAKER_00 9:10

When the boys were very, very small, you said one time, and it kind of stuck, in this house, we smell good and love Jesus. And so that's about as religious as we got with rules is like you smell good and love Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

But then once I got a little bit older, I told them I can't force you to love Jesus. But I can force you to smell good. So But it's surprising that you guys didn't have anything like that because you guys keep up on your personal hygiene better than any teenager in this entire world. Facts. And the only reason I know that probably sounds weird that I would say that. But I last time we went to a show, bear tooth. Yeah. Oh my god, holy shit. How bad did it smell in there? So gross. Actually, uh, to comment on that, do you remember the lady who was sitting on the floor right in front of us? I do. Oh no! Lady is a strong word, Jackson. She blended in. She blended in with the floor. But I will say, like, and when I'm I'm hanging around with you guys at a show like Dance Gavin Dance, that show, you guys were both there. I can smell you guys and you smell good. And then if you walk anywhere in the room, it's like no one cares.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

It's almost like a defense mechanism or something. Well, it's funny because I made the joke just the other day that you guys should do a no-shower challenge just to see who could go the longest without showering. And you guys won't even do it.

The No Top Sheet Policy And Bed Habits

SPEAKER_02 10:41

I would lose. I gotta take a shower. But you guys used to hate bathing, hate taking showers. You would always complain, but now I think you guys brush your teeth every day. I think you put on deodorant every day. I'm just kind of living by faith now.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

The evidence supports those facts.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

But see, that's like what kids don't understand. Like they always think parents are harping on them, but like I'm talking like a shower every other day. You guys shower once, twice a day sometimes, depending on if you work out or something. There's no I've never worry now more about dry skin.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Yeah, that they're gonna shower too much.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

So eight number eight, let's Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

So um this one, I think we're gonna get a lot of comments about this because I think it's somewhat controversial. Wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Are you gonna say leggings aren't pants again?

SPEAKER_00 11:28

No, I'm not gonna say that. But this is um, but let I will explain why this is a rule. But a rule is that um on all of the beds, there is no top sheet. You get the fitted sheet and you get the comforter. You can have whatever blankets you want, but I don't do a top sheet. Wait, there's a you guys don't even know what a top sheet is, do you? No. So when you buy a set of sheets, you have the fitted sheet, and then you have the sheet that you tuck in that you pull over yourself.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

When you when we go to hotels, you guys have been to a lot of hotels.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Oh, uh. So when we first got married, my mother taught me how to properly make a bed, hospital corners, the whole nine yards. I can do it. I did it when we got married. Every morning, because he's so tall, his feet he would untuck that top sheet and it would end up balled up on the bottom of the floor. And I think we were married three weeks when I said, Why am I doing this? This doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I hate that to tuck this sheet in when your feet hang off the end of the bed and constantly untuck it.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Also, you have to point out, just so the world knows, because I think a lot of people think me and my sons promote toxic masculinity. And we definitely do not. And that's one of those things like sometimes Rachel, like the the sheet on the bed, I don't give a shit. Who cares?

SPEAKER_01 12:55

There's some guys out there that are like, woman, put me a top sheet on the bed, hospital corners.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

I think most men don't care, but I think people in general though care very much about their betting. I mean, no, some guys care.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

Also about dinner. You always say, like, dinner's gonna be a little late. Who gives a shit? You're making me dinner? Heck yes! Thank you. Like, no, there is no toxic masculinity here. I don't care what any of you numb nuts on the internet say, I saw you do this, so this and this, but no. So shut up. Leggings aren't pants. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

And I mean, and just to tag on to that, too, we we are not a make your bed household either. No, we're not. What is the point? You're gonna sleep in it in like 12 hours! And there's all this stuff out there about like how it's good for you and all, and I just, I'm sorry, I just don't care.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

All right, I will say, as a person who will go through depression every once in a while, sometimes making your bed can help you work through that.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

I understand the routine aspect of it and all of that, but just for me personally, and it's just never a chore that I enforced on you guys making your bed.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

It's one of those things where you know it's the start of the year and you're wanting to better yourself because it's the first time.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

You did it for like two days, didn't you?

Schedules, Filming Tension, And Routine

SPEAKER_02 14:08

I did it for two days, and then on the third day I looked at my bed. Then he rose again. No, and then on the third day I looked at my bed and I said, Who am I trying to impress here? Myself? Who I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

My cow next to him.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

Okay. After you poop, you have to use air freshener after. If you don't, that is disgusting. Yeah, Rachel. That is disgusting. It smells like poopy doop whoop in there. Somebody tell Rachel that. You gotta use air freshener. I have never used that air freshener stuff. When Rachel and I were dating.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Oh my gosh, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

And I would go over to her house, which was a lot, and I had to go number two, as the kids say. Um I always wanted to spray afterwards, but all they had was Lysol.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

That's very unpleasant.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Why didn't you have spray? Why? The only reason why you guys didn't have a fan in there, did you?

SPEAKER_00 15:05

No, because it's a window.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

That is gross.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

Because there's a window.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

It was an old house. Yeah, there's a window in the bathroom.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

You guys have probably heard the story, but they haven't heard the story. One other quick side note.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Oh, here we go. Can we not?

SPEAKER_02 15:20

One time I had to take a shower over your house. Oh, okay. And your dad told me. This is what he said before I went in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Don't get the water.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

I love your dad. But he said, don't get water on the wall in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

It was an old house. And I like the problems with it. What?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

I was like, oh my god, is this some kind of test? Oh my god, what is he gonna do to me if I get water on the wall in the shower?

SPEAKER_02 15:47

That's like saying, yeah, when you pee, don't pee in the toilet.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Right! Right! Only get the piss on the water. If you get on the walls of the toilet, I'm gonna know. That was let's get back into our list, but that was the worst thing I've ever experienced.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

One main reason why I don't spray when I use the bathroom. Because one time I did and I tasted it. Yeah. And now I never. That's your own fault. I don't care. I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Okay, moving on.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Jackson, number eight, hold on, I had this. Oh. Refrain from asking dad when we're filming because it makes him think you don't want to film. That's just amazing. Shut the fuck up and film. I agree.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

I agree. You know why it's like that though? But here's why that's crazy. We are very scheduled people. We know what we're doing and when. And if we're supposed to be there at five, we will show up at 4:45. We like we are just scheduled and we're early. So in every other aspect of our life, to ask when are we doing this, that's that's just how we operate. But when it comes to filming videos, that's the one area you can't actually.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Because I didn't want a job like this in order to like have it scheduled out. It should be sometimes sporadic, sometimes it needs to be scheduled. And a lot of anymore, I will tell them. Like I do.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

But we just we created the monster. We gotta own that piece of it.

Exercise, Jeans As “Dressed Up,” And Frugality

SPEAKER_02 17:24

You don't like is when I've already told you, and then you ask me again, meaning like, oh god, we're filming. No one's like the dinner question. Okay, yeah. That is my dinner question. Thank you. Now I can talk to my therapist about that. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Okay. Number seven. Number six seven!

SPEAKER_02 17:44

Okay. Move. Get exercise daily. That's on mine, running. Well, walking. No, running. Anyone else is it on your list?

SPEAKER_00 17:53

No. Okay. No, I I had to.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Alright, so do your number seven.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Okay. Um, again, something that's gonna be a little bit maybe controversial, but jeans are dressed up. For us, that is being dressed up. We don't, I don't even know if I own dress pants anymore. I used to wear high heels in a suit every day for years, and that hasn't happened in well over a decade. We wear jeans to church, like that is being dressed up. I think we're all actually wearing jeans right now. This is dressed up. Um so that that's our version of dressed up is putting on jeans.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

I think people who dress up are just trying to show off most of the time. And we're also cheap people. So spending that much money on clothing. I mean, again, who are we trying to impress here?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

We are really, we are, again, it's kind of funny to say it after my leggings rant, but we are largely about comfort and but we're not we're cheap when it comes to certain things.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Certain things for me, technology, I'm not cheap. For you, books, my god. Calvin, when it comes to gaming stuff, and I would say collectibles, and you when it comes to music stuff and collectibles, you guys are not cheap people.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Nope.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

But no one wants to, but no one in this house is buying a$180 pair of jeans. Like that. You know how many books I could get for$180. When you know how many CIE.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

But these jeans I'm wearing right now were$250. I got them for uh$30 at Nordstrom Rack. No offense. They do not look like$250. What do$250 jeans look like?$10 jeans.$250? Yeah. They look like$10 jeans. See, this is how I know clothing is overpriced because one time in Texas we went to a Target and I found a Led Zeppelin pullover, you know, hoodie, and it was only seven bucks. That is the correct price. And it looked awesome. And I loved it. Mainly because of the price, and because I mean it's a Led Zeppelin pullover. Still talking about that hoodie. Still talking about that hoodie. I can't fit in it anymore, but it was great.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

But it was seven dollars.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

It was seven bucks! Six seven! All right, speaking of six, seven, on to number six.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Wait a minute. Wait, no? It's Calvin's turn now.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Oh, you've got one, okay. For seven? Yeah, hold on. Uh why aren't you ready? Oh, every time we go out, we always have to go out to Target. That's uh Well, come on.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

If the 80-20 rule applies, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Because mom is always like, oh, I need something at Target. Need something at Target. Target's pretty great though.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

And you know what? I don't even get to look around. Like, you see those women like casually shopping at Target? No.

Target Trips, Barnes & Noble, And “Work Hard”

SPEAKER_02 20:41

Wearing leggings. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. You just walk up to mom and we're like, okay, I'm ready. Yeah, you guys are always ready, and so listen, you guys did not suffer through Zares, Hills, Kmart. I mean Target is amazing. Zayers? Yeah, exactly. Remember Zares? Zesty Bears. Zare. So at the time, you know how there's like Walmart uh Target now? It was where we were in Ohio, it was Zares and Kmart.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Those were the Hills and Kmart were.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Hills and Kmart was next.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I remember when the Walmart opened, that was a huge deal.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Yeah, so. Yeah, Target's good.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

Yeah, love Target. Okay. Jackson, number seven.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

I think this one's true. I would love to hear what you guys have to say about it. But uh, dad's the last one to hear about when we want to go to Barnes and Noble. It's always true. We we hide it almost without trying to hide it.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Spring it on him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Oh yeah, while we're out here, just Barnes Barnes Noble. Yeah, you know, Barnes Noble.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

And why do you go to Barnes Noble, Jackson? What do you like? I'm just saying, you're not a reader, so.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Well, I just something to do. Well, you look you're looking at like the the records and but now them into Harry Potter, they've got a pretty cool Harry Potter section. I mean I agree with Jackson, it's something to do, and I'd rather do nothing than do that. And that's why we had to do it.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

It's true. We do kind of we do kind of spring it on.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

I'm like, oh, it's number six. We're moving on. For my number six, I have work hard.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Basic.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

But yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, work hard. Work hard. Can we go back to his? Because I'm gonna make fun of his now. Because the barn's a normal thing. Really?

SPEAKER_00 22:28

I'm the work hard is is definitely true. So kind of going back to some of the food discussion in our for our family, lunch and dinner are not optional. You hear people who are like, you hear people who say things like, oh, I forgot to eat today. I was just so busy. I didn't, I didn't eat. That doesn't happen in our house.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

No, we gotta eat.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Um people are liars. I'm the same way. Like I envy those people who say those things like, oh, I I just didn't eat, you know, I was so busy and I forgot to eat. Really? Because my body does not allow that to happen.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Forgot to eat.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Breakfast, yeah, is definitely optional. But lunch and dinner every day, it's happening. We're eating, nobody's skipping a meal. It's awesome. It's important.

Meals Aren’t Optional And Restaurant Leftovers

SPEAKER_02 23:18

It's important because if you don't, you are gonna eat at some point during the day and you're gonna binge and it's not gonna be good. Yeah, it's like the people that are always saying that they don't sleep. I'm like, shut up. You you slept at some point. If you don't sleep, the things that happen to you are.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah, you actually have a psychological breakdown.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Yes, it is not good. It's bad. You can tell when people actually haven't slept. So, yeah, but it is true. And when when it's dinner and Rachel has anything left on her plate, especially at a restaurant, we all fiend over it and like eat it really fast. It's very embarrassing. Very embarrassing. But I still do. Now, for that for me, for me, it's embarrassing to see you do it. It's probably embarrassing for you to see me do it.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Are you done? Can I have that? Oh, it is all descend.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Make mom give me her food. Oh, I know. Oh, yeah. I just stare off into space, like I'm just looking, and then what she says, not thinking about it. I just take it. Yeah, and that's not clever because I know it now, and I ask you, and I'm like, I want that, and they're like, oh man, planned in work. Oh man, can we see Toy Story 5? I'll be like, no, you're gonna see what's the new one coming out? Hooters? What?

SPEAKER_00 24:37

That would I would see that.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Hoppers. Hooters would be better. We're not seeing hoppers, no. Yes, we are! No! Alright, are we still on number seven? I don't know. Go ahead. Six. Hold on. Wait, no, no, no, we haven't did six yet.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

We're doing six right now.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

Oh, okay. Um this is confusing. Oh, for me, this is a personal one, turning off the lights.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Turning off the lights. Mine is turning. Mine is turning on the lights. I like the lights off. So I do not like them off. Turn them on. So Jackson is the old man of the house. But Calvin actually has an old man habit of turning lights off.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

It's funny because yeah, Jackson will come out in the morning, he's turning lights on, and then Calvin walks in the room, does whatever he's gonna do, and then he shuts them all off.

SPEAKER_02 25:27

But Calvin, is it is it because you're concerned about power consumption and the price of the electric bill? Nope. Just one, two. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Just doesn't like the lights on.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Just you, you're just like. I'm concerned, and I and I say, let's get it high. You can tell he knows nothing about money. All right, Jackson? Number six. I do this, but I don't care. I'm sorry, Dad. But don't close the bathroom door at night if you only have to pee. That is the most annoying rule ever, but I'll I Why would you even write it down? Because neither of you do it. I gotta do it.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

You still close the door in the middle of the night too. I'm not leaving it open!

Light Switch Wars And Nighttime Bathroom Etiquette

SPEAKER_00 26:11

I think we have to explain why why you try to make this a rule.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Because they close it hard and then they open it even harder. That's not true. You can hear the way neither of my children are retarded. But at that moment, I have questions. But what if like stone just walks by?

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Like, who is gonna- Oh, but there's a wall there!

SPEAKER_00 26:32

There's a wall! You have more coverage there than at a urinal.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

There's a wall there, and you can turn to the side. I'm still in this house wants to see your package. Don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

I don't even know why I called it a package. That made me feel like Nicky even saying that. I don't want to see it!

SPEAKER_02 26:49

The last time I left the door open while I peed, Chico walked by and looked at me, and it freaked me out. This is like you eating the air freshener all over again. It's your problem. And the cat doesn't care about your dick!

SPEAKER_01 27:04

He considered walking in for a minute and it was Until he saw how small it was, and it was like, fuck that, I don't need to see this small crap. Welcome to the large penis museum worm. Tickets are a thousand dollars. This is stupid. Stop closing the door in the middle of the knife. Made me feel achy.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Because I'm not gonna look at your penis ever! I'm still closing the door. But we it's not like we intentionally make it loud. The way that door is, is it literally still? Stop closing it. All you have to do is like put like almost all the way, but don't close the door.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

You could just like, yeah. Oh pull it mostly closed. Just don't let you know. Why would you put it on your list?

SPEAKER_02 27:51

No, I am. Why would you put it? You put it on your list just to trigger me. That was it.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

It was good. I'm surprised.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

I'm gonna say this, but I don't give a shit about it. I'm gonna say this because I think I should, but I don't really care. That's not a good Jackson impression.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

All right. Number five. Have fun. Why are yours so boring? Damn. Because I'm older and I understand more about life than you do. I don't like sit around and say things that I don't actually give a shit about. I don't have time for that.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

The bathroom door. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

I I did have something similar and then I ended up replacing it, but I probably shouldn't have. But it was, you know, yeah, like we just try to have fun. Like just laugh about it. Like in most scenarios, you have two options. You can laugh or cry.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

I think you just laugh every day. It's I think it's super important. And that's why when people don't most people that watch our videos and comment um are like normal human beings, and then there's then there's the haters, and there's really no in between.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Like somebody commented the other day, and I got into a debate with the guy because the other guy came on and said, Oh, don't you know he got you there? And I'm like, listen, this is what I said. I said, I'm welcome, I'm welcoming all roasts. Bring your roast, but you can't do it.

Laugh More, Roast Better, And Online Haters

SPEAKER_01 29:12

You say the same thing every time, and then some asshole comes behind and say, Oh, they got you.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

And I'm like, What? Roast us. Sorry. Roast us. Like, actually come up with something good to say about it if you because you're just mad because it's getting views. That's it.

unknown 29:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:32

You made me you made me spit, dorks.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Oh my gosh. So this is this is something that is not a rule, and I don't think I've ever expressed my frustration over this. Walmart? So this is all shut up. This is all probably new to you, but what I would like to make a rule is when you and this is very specific to the fridge, the pantry a little bit, but mostly the refrigerator. When you take something out of the fridge, when you put it back, put it back in the same place where you got it from. So for example, if you got jelly out of the door, then put it back in the door. Nope. Because I, I, again, I hate this rule.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

I hate it. I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Because you put stuff in the worst places, and then when I try and put it back, it doesn't fit. No, you guys cause things not to fit because the groceries get delivered. I get everything organized, and then you guys start going in and start taking stuff out, and stuff doesn't go back to where it was, and then now it's all a mess, and you open the door and stuff is falling out at you.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

No, we can't. We can't put it back in the same place because the refrigerator is kind of like the dryer. Socks get lost in there, you don't know how. When you take something out and you close the door, you don't know what's happening behind that door. And when you open it up, everything's different. You gotta just put it back where it can go. Sorry. No, I it's like Narnia.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Oh, it drives me crazy when there's stuff that should be in the door and it's on the shelf.

Fridge Order, Dishwasher Battles, And Laundry

SPEAKER_02 30:59

No, that's a personal problem. I can't. You might need therapy too, Rachel, because like the things that bug you are gonna be the end of you because they happen all the time.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

So like That's why I've never said anything about that one before, because I recognize that this is petty and it's not something that's gonna change. But if I had a wish list of rules.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Oh, you thought you would use the podcast as a way to get your will be done.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

I there's gonna be somebody out there that's gonna agree with me on this. Not about leggings, though.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

But the fridge, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

I don't care about the leggings. I stand by those statements. But um Calvin, fine.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

Uh, having a special beverage with dinner. You said mine were basic. What? Wow. Have a okay. You can but let's be honest, you can have a special beverage and clarify what you mean by special beverage. They're oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

It's not water, basically.

SPEAKER_02 31:54

But special beverage sounds like alcohol. No.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

You're like, We let him have alcohol with dinner. He's having like an eggnog latte or something weird.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

He doesn't even like eggnog.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

But yeah, I'm honestly kind of scared of it. Eggnog latte, what the f that's me, oh God.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Jax. This is kind of a personal role for me. Oh boy. But around your family. Shit, five times a day. Sorry, go ahead. We can get to that later. Around your family, don't judge music that has screaming in it. I've learned to just kind of deal with it. I just Oh yeah, oh, oh, so it's the same. Oh, always show it's the same. That's you. Calvin, you even said that the other day that some of these bands are just starting to sound the same to you. Well, I'm trying to find new ones, yeah. Exactly. But in that genre, not genre, genre, genre. There are a lot of bands that sound the same, especially when that genre started. Every band sounded the same. It was bad. That's why I liked the Devil Wars Prada. That's why I liked Under Oath, because they sounded different.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Yeah, find find like a 2001 play punk, you know, playlist, and it's all identical.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

You mean pop punk? Pop punk plane wash.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

Oh did you guys hear that though?

SPEAKER_00 33:09

I'm gonna edit it out so it doesn't matter. Ah, come on.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

All right. A little bit. So we're moving on.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Okay. Number four. No, number four. Don't watch your ball mean. I mean, I'm almost I'm almost done here.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Okay. Yeah, there should be four left.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Well, we had some that were the same, so I only have two left.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

All right. Life is not all about you.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Oh, that's a good one.

unknown 33:31

Why are these all boring?

SPEAKER_02 33:33

What'd you say? Nothing. Nothing. He doesn't learn nothing. That's a great message, Dad. I totally don't hear that 24-7. Watch what happens next time you close the bathroom door at night, bitch. No, I'm gonna slam it next time. Okay, go, just go, just go.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

There is a correct way to load the dishwasher.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

Oh god. Stop, Mom. Stop.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

When you open the dishwasher and things are still dirty because the bowls are facing upwards and the plates are all uh Patty Wampus. They're all nestled together.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Then do it yourself. Uh sorry, that was that was I mean I wasn't gonna say that.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

That is why I typically do load the dishwasher.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Because I do. All right, all right. I'm just saying, I'm just saying there is a right way to do it. If you choose not to do it that way, then that's fine, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

You're right about which way the bowls are and which way the plates are. Yes, but they can be wherever they fit as long as they're in the right position. And with our latest dishwasher that we have, which is I think the third one since we've been here. Yeah. Damn. Nothing is dirty when it comes out.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Uh well, somebody loaded the dishwasher after lunch one day, and there was a spoon that was apparently full of peanut butter that wasn't rinsed before it was put in there. And oh no, that was definitely Calvin who didn't rinse.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

But Jackson with the peanut butter.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

No, it was like a spoon or something, and it was like covered in peanut butter, and you didn't rinse it for a while.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Alright, this is getting not fun anymore. This was very fun. Now we're talking about the damn dishwasher and how things are supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Okay, moving on.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

I mean, come on. Moving on, but I guess a rule that is for mom and dad, like putting on my socks, right? And it my I have. I don't understand why that's such a big thing. Again, something you don't even do and don't care about. Why are you saying it? Well, I I had a rule similar to that. If you have holes in your socks, hide them. Throw the sock away on the bottom. We're not rich, but we're not poor. We can afford to buy you a new pair of socks. No. Why go through the trouble? I can still wear them. Jackson? Hongdong. Okay. Okay. When the groceries arrive, help mom. Don't say you have to use the bathroom, and then by the time everything is packed up, but I literally do. That and I'm not using that as an excuse. I literally have to use the bathroom. Whenever the groceries are delivered. I do. Mom, I am not that lazy. I promise. I'm not that lazy. Sorry. Alright. Moving on. Laugh every day. Which is also part of have fun.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

What's your number three?

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I I'm down to, I just have one left, and it's it's it's a little bit lame, but it it is true because I do all the laundry.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Don't poop your pants.

Always Be Learning And Money Mindset

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Black is sort of black is our family uniform. The laundry, everything, everything is typically black or dark colors. I'm actually not wearing black, but by and large, it's basketball shorts that are dark colors with dark colored.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

I just came up with a new role. No. What? Yes! Don't mix up our shirts.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Oh, maybe just do your own laundry.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Alright, Kyle. But no, sometimes you mix up my shirts with like a Stranger Things one. Mom, I don't have a Stranger Things shirt.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

Then just give it back to your father and move on with your life.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

Yeah, that's an unspoken rule. We always have a seating arrangement.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

We that is true.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

You're talking like church, movies. Yep. Okay. Right now.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

Right. In the car.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

I mean, this is how we sit at church. Exactly like this. When we go to the movies, we're typically the other way, but it's still this order. It's just, you know, flip it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Jackson? When in the midst of binging a series, we need to binge it, not just watch one episode and say, okay, I'm done. That's not a great one, but yeah. It is true, but come on! The only way I think I'll binge a show is if we're re-watching it. That's the way I'll binge it. I mean, and I was talking to you about this the other day, Rach. I I'm liking this one every day, maybe maybe two. Um when I binge something, it's usually by myself. And then what I end up doing is not like when we watched Breaking Bad and Better Call Soul, we might have did maybe two or three, but we never did it like half a season or anything like that in an evening. I remember some long summer nights. Oh man, I remember you guys staying up until like almost two in the morning. Maybe watching it the second time. I think that was the first time.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

But binging can sometimes ruin a show.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

But I don't like to have several. Stretches in between an episode if I don't have to. Like Calvin always says the people that watch this when it was on the air, they suck because they had to wait like a week, week and a half, sometimes months to see the next one. If it was like the next season, they'd have to wait like three months.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

So Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

And those are very personal rules, Jackson. Very personal.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Again, if you had a wish.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Alright. I've got two more. One of them is always be learning.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

What is up with you, like these boring rules?

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Always be learning. Work hard. Like, sound like a Chuck E. Cheese advertiser.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Work the Chucky Cheese.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Play hard.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Always learn. Gun na the Chuck E.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Cheese.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Have you been to Chuck E. Cheese?

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Mom, do you not remember the Wednesdays we went? Like when they were like half off?

SPEAKER_00 39:50

I I do.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

I'm wondering if you do, though, because it's like work hard, play hard, and have always learned. Gun na Chucky Cheese.

Weekly Wins: Trailers, Books, Manga, And Muppets

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Like I'm sorry I can't be as intelligent as your generation. Sounds like the dude who would be under the Chucky universe. No, it's like they've never been there. It's like they've never been there.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Doesn't make any sense. Like, okay. No, mine wasn't done.

SPEAKER_02 40:16

I'm completely done. I a lot of mine were said.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

Alright, last one. Captain's not gonna like this one either. Because he's a genius. Oh boy, let's hear this Chuck E. Cheese. Money isn't everything, but you need it.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Money isn't everything. Chuck E. Cheese.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Explain.

SPEAKER_02 40:44

What?

SPEAKER_00 40:44

The money.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Because I think a lot of people get that wrong. A lot of people say money is the root of all evil. That's not true.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

That's not the verse.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

It's the love of money is the root of all evil.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

You you it's okay to make money. You need money. Like, and a lot of people are kind of come off on one side or the other, like money's bad, and they're like poor and they're destitute, and they just they just won't try hard or anything. And then you have the other side where it's like a rich curmudgeon or just a you know, a drug lord or something that's just collecting money just to have it. It's like better call Saul. In the end of spoiler alerts, in the end of the series, you see he's trying to build back up a ton of money by scamming people for what? Yeah. For why is he doing that?

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Yeah, I th I think it's true, like most of us. I mean, I think we're all just inherently born with a warped view of money. So I think trying to, like, as a family, have a healthy view of it is important in something we've tried to instill, but apparently have failed at.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Failed at a lot of things today. Apparently. We try play art and always learn. Come down to Chuck E's.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

I I don't sport. It's in the game.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Is this?

SPEAKER_02 42:01

You know he's gonna live with us for a long ass time. And you're watching Disney Channel.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

Work hard, play art, and always learn.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

I didn't learn anything but 6'7.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

Oh, what am I gonna do? Okay, do we want to wrap it up?

SPEAKER_02 42:16

Let's wrap this up and talk about something good from this week. I'm gonna say the Project Hail Mary trailer was really good. Minions three. It's not even called Minions 3. Something good from this week.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Uh, I finally read Dracula.

SPEAKER_02 42:36

I knew it.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

And it was very good.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

Alright. Calvin? Uh, finally got more manga. Praise the Lord. Better than Dracula. Calvin and I've been watching that one Muppet Show. What which one when did that come out? 2015. The 2015 Muppet Show. This show's been very funny because it's like if you took the office and put it in Muppets. In the Muppets. Yeah. And it's great. I don't know why this one that one didn't get a lot of attention. It only had one season.

SPEAKER_03 43:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Wow. That's relatively terrible.